That’s what Jungian Analyst Robert Johnson calls the small, seemingly-trivial events of ones life that combine to lead them to wherever they ultimately end up. A slender thread can be a train that’s missed that causes you to miss meeting someone new, a flat tire that somehow introduces you to another who you later can’t imagine not having in your life, an illness that causes you to cancel a trip. On 9/11, there were a lot of slender threads at work and if you watched any of the interviews or read any of the books that detailed that day, you know that those threads might have been a sick child that caused a mother to stay home that day rather than go in to her job at the Trade Center, an off-site meeting that pulled an executive who normally would have been there at 7AM to somewhere else entirely, a broken down subway that initially caused rush hour irritation but in the end, was the unlikely guardian angel that made people not arrive at the towers until after the first plane hit.

When you start paying attention, the slender threads are everywhere. And whatever they are… destiny or simply just chance… I have a sneaking suspicion that they totally shape our lives. These little slender threads come together to create a whole experience. And one tiny thing can, ultimately, be the reason you make a new friend, the reason a relationship does (or doesn’t) work, or, more significantly, the reason you survived at all. Every major experience in a person’s life, it seems, can be traced back to a trivial occurrence that probably went totally unnoticed, lost in the greater landscape of seemingly more important events.

Yesterday was a weird, weird day. Despite what we’re calling a down economy, I have been incredibly busy at work. This last month has been every bit as successful as many of my months in the peak of the housing boom. That, combined with my just having accepted a new internship and having a lot of little things to do to get that rolling, means that I’ve been running around like a chicken with no head. I’ve been rushing through things a little more quickly than I normally would, skipping lunch here and there, cutting my normal 7-8 mile runs down to 3-4, driving a little faster to try to get to where I’m going a minute or so sooner. I have a lead foot and when I’m busy or time is crunched, it definitely gets a little heavier. That’s what happened yesterday. By the time I saw the motorcycle cop on the 78 freeway, it was already too late… he was pulling off the shoulder to chase me.

Here’s the thing: I wasn’t even going that fast. Yes, I was speeding, but it was not an unreasonable speed for a freeway. Anyone could have gotten this ticket and honestly, it’s not even a speed for which you’d think a cop would bother pulling you over. But this one did. And despite the fact that he DID ticket me, he was probably the friendliest cop I’ve ever talked to in my life. Totally cordial. “I know it’s Friday and I’m sorry to do this to you, ma’am, but that’s just a tiny bit over the line of unsafe speed on State Route 78. It’s my job to keep you safe. Slow it down just a little, okay? And have a great weekend.” My first thought was ARE YOU SERIOUSLY BEING THIS NICE TO ME WHILE YOU’RE BEING THIS MUCH OF AN ASSHOLE? but whatever. I’ve gotten enough speeding tickets in my life to know it doesn’t make any sense to try to talk your way out of them. Just sign your name, slow down, and try to forget the irritation as quickly as possible.

After my appointments, I spent the rest of the evening with my best friend and her family. We do this occasionally… dinner and a movie. It’s easier for them than leaving the house because their son can go to sleep in his own bed while we do whatever we want. They live pretty far north of me… a good 40 minute drive… so I usually stay for several hours. I left there last night about 9:50. It was starting to rain just a little bit. I started down the first long stretch of road towards my house. It’s a road on which I’d usually speed. And I actually did start to speed… for a minute. It’s a straight stretch and other than the drizzle, there isn’t much reason not to. Except, oh yeah, that stupid speeding ticket and let me not tempt fate and possibly get another one. So I slowed down. And just before turning off of this road I looked right directly ahead of me to see what was likely the worst thing I have ever personally witnessed:

Black Suburban, front end destroyed. Windshield destroyed. Still spinning violently. Another car, the car it hit, literally airborne and moving rapidly, possibly upside-down (I can’t be sure because it was moving to quickly to tell). The sound of shattering glass and screaming tires. Horns. Smoke. The second car, the one that was airborne, landed down the road about 50 yards away. I slammed on my brakes. It was an intersection… a traffic light… the last one I’d have crossed before turning onto Highway 76… the road immediately north of the earlier road on which I earned my speeding ticket. I looked upward and realized that the traffic lights in both directions were totally dead. Oh my god. It was foggy, drizzly, visibility was low, and neither of these people knew to stop. I looked at the woman in the car next to me and her eyes were welled with tears and her mouth hanging slightly open. She seemed to be looking to me for reassurance, except that I couldn’t give her any… I’m pretty sure I just mirrored her expression. I was frozen, which was fine, because you couldn’t have gone anywhere anyway. The road was totally blocked. And then, people running… there were ten-or-so people running from the opposite direction yelling someone’s name. Had they just left a restaurant and possibly knew the person or people in the car? They were all literally screaming, crying, prying open doors, and what I could hear them yelling was muffled “open it… see if… is she breathing… no… oh my god… 911…” and more and more screaming. Someone pulled a baby out of the Suburban, inconsolable, but thank god, alive. All I could think about after that was getting out of there as quickly as possible. What I’d just seen was horrible enough and I didn’t need to see them zipping people into body bags. No thanks.

Those roads are seriously scary out there. I think about it every day.

I guess the first reason I’m telling this story because the images of it flooded my dreams for most of the night. It was the first thing I thought of this morning. Because it took place on a surface street and not a freeway, I can’t find any information about it on the news this morning. But I really hope everyone is okay. I can’t tell you how much I hope that.

The second reason I’m telling it is this: I was pissed about my speeding ticket, but it was the thing that had me driving down Douglas Drive a little more slowly. Had I not been driving a little more slowly, I might have been crossing that intersection at the exact moment that horrible impact took place. And while I would like to think that I know the area well enough that I’d have been expecting the traffic light and known something was amiss when I didn’t see it, it was dark and foggy and I can’t be sure. Mine might have been the third car involved. And even if you’re involved in a crash like that and walk away totally unscathed, there’s no way that it wouldn’t totally change your life. So that officer… I almost feel like I should thank him. I think he may have been one of my slender threads.

There shouldn’t ever be a day that goes by on which you don’t count the ways in which you’re grateful. Ever.

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Man, I’ve been on some good ones. Actually, when my married and unmarried friends and I get to talking about dating it isn’t often long before we’ve started comparing stories and compiling information that could surely fill a book. A couple of my girlfriends are now quite adamant that I put one together: combine my love of writing with my life experience in love, like, and not-so-much, into a memoir that somehow weaves into the landscape of my life. Actually, I can totally see how it would all come together. So who knows. Maybe I will. Face it: less entertaining things have been written. It’s funny now. And, it’ll be funnier when I’m waking up next to someone who I really love waking up next to.

I went on a recent first date that was also my first Internet date in a very, very long time. See, I’ve grown tired of the Internet dating thing. I guess I’m just looking for something more organic, driven by mutual interests and good timing that might happen to bring a special person into my life. But I’ve left my details up on a site or two and when someone who seems cool shows interest, I’ll usually give it a shot. That was the case with this guy. He seemed awesome in writing. Lots of mutual interests, seemingly nice personality characteristics, tendencies (at least over email) towards kindness and sensitivity. So I met him at a local bar and within five minutes we were having this conversation:

GUY: Soooooooo. You’re 33.
ME: Yes.
G: I always confirm the age.
M: Oh? Yeah. I’ll be 34 in July.
G: What day?
M: The 23rd.
G: GET OUT OF HERE (smirking). The 14th. Now THAT’S something, don’t you think?
M: …
G: Anyway, I always check, because a LOT of women lie about their ages.
M: Really?
G: Yes. Basically if it says they’re 36, you have to just add a few years to that. Once a woman hits 36 I guess she thinks she has to lie about it. I want a family, and it’s not like she’s going to get pregnant on the first date, so I look for women in their early 30s to make sure there’s some time.” (Note: this guy is 40 years old).
M: Oh. Well, again… I’m 33, just as I said, and I wouldn’t lie about my age even if I weren’t 33.
G: You don’t have to lie. You’re young. And hot. (smirking again)
M: Well… thank you?
G: You’re welcome. Yeah, a couple of weeks ago I met a woman and asked that same question. She’d said she was 37, which is REALLY pushing it already. And when I asked she said “well, I kind of wasn’t totally honest about that. I’m 42. But I know I look young and I feel young and I want guys who are younger to be interested in me.”
M: Really.
G: Really. And, you know, sometimes I’m kind of like a little 5-year-old and I just kind of say whatever’s on my mind. [as an aside, this was obviously already evident] So, I just blurted out “WOW! You’re a COUGAR!”

Okay, so, you get the point. The rest of the hour or so went on much like this. I drank three glasses of sauvignon blanc and considered texting one of my girlfriends to call and bail me out while he brought up one inappropriate thing after another. Talked about his failed marriage and how he never wanted to marry her in the first place, but that it was her grandmother’s dying wish so he went with it. Went on and on about how women are either “hot” or “not” and how he wasn’t interested in someone who was “not.” (NOTE: While he appeared attractive enough in his photos, I was totally NOT attracted to him from the first instant I laid eyes on him. So for him to be ranting on about his absurdly high standards for stereotypical physical beauty was just ludicrous). He also told me he hated peanut butter and that if I liked it I (I do… very much) I better not ever kiss him without first brushing my teeth. Oh my god, are you serious dude? Really? Because I think this might just be my last Internet date. For realz. I don’t think I’m kidding this time.

Anyway, onward. Especially recently it seems like I’ve run across a string of people who just don’t have a filter. You know, the filter? The thing that pops up in the back of your mind and says “buddy, I know you like her and in the interest of helping you turn it into something, this just isn’t the kind of thing you want her to hear you say when you’ve only known her for an hour.” And because it’s good blog fodder, I figured I’d list a few of the things I’ve heard that in HIS interest (I use “his” collectively) it might have been better not to tell me. And I promise this: there’s no exaggeration here.

I guess I should preface this by saying that in MY interest, it’s a good thing I heard these up front… because some of them might have been flat-out dealbreakers no matter when I heard them:

  1. “My younger brother is a paranoid Schizophrenic. He also has guns. We don’t know where they all are. It’s been a serious ongoing issue in our family for a lot of years. Sometimes he gets really mad at our mom and I have to go over there and get involved. I really hope this isn’t too heavy… with your background I’m thinking you can probably take it.” Um. Yeah. I can take it if you’re a client sitting in a chair across from me. Do I feel comfortable being romantically involved with you? For a massive variety of reasons, hell no.
  2. (When the bill comes) “I’ll get this one, you can get the next one” (vice versa would be even worse). Okay, stop. In my opinion there are two things wrong with this. The first is that I really, truly believe that if you’re a guy and if you like a girl (this one definitely liked me) then you should take her out the first three-or-so times. It doesn’t have to be expensive… but buy her a coffee or a couple of drinks. Then, if she’s cool, after the first few she’ll start offering to pay. And when she does, you can let her… or let her split it… let her make you dinner… whatever. But please, dude. Don’t request that she pay… now or at the “next time.” Just so that you know, I know a lot of women. And I don’t know even one woman who isn’t really turned off by the “you can get it next time” or “your part is (however much)” behavior. There’s nothing wrong with courting her. Please. The second thing wrong with this is that unless you’ve had some blatant mutual epiphany during that very first date that this is the person you’ve been looking for all these years, it’s rude to just assume that there will be a “next time.” In this particular situation I had not decided there would be a “next time.” Had he asked nicely I’d have been more inclined to want to get to know him better.
  3. “I smoke a lot of weed. Actually, it really helps me to be able to deal with everything. I can work better, drive better, hang out with friends better, do a puzzle or play a game with my son better.” Say whaaaaaa? You smoke a bunch of weed so you can hang out with your son? So you can drive? Work? I am very liberal when it comes to this subject. I have no problem with a little bit of marijuana. But really? It’s a necessary part of your daily life and has been for years? “Stoned” is your baseline?
  4. Anything about your ex, unless it’s a necessary part of a funny story about something else that you just can’t not tell. Talking about your ex often indicates that you didn’t take the necessary time or steps to get over your ex. And if that’s the case, why would I want anything to do with dating you?
  5. Anything about diarrhea or graphic vomiting. Like, for instance, I don’t need to know that you recently caught the stomach flu and had to throw up in your work trash can (twice). I’m good without that knowledge.
  6. More than one story (TOPS) about getting thrown out of a bar or nightclub, especially when you “hadn’t even done anything.” Come on. I wasn’t born yesterday. I’ve been thrown out of TWO BARS in my life. Once was in college, the other was a little over a year ago in New York City. Both times, I or someone in my group did something. They didn’t just throw us out for no reason. Telling me multiple stories like this makes me think you’re a rowdy or inappropriate drunk, or that you pal around regularly with people who are, and that you don’t even realize your behavior is so bad. Nice girls aren’t gonna like that.
  7. Any story about being arrested, or about crossing the U.S./Mexico border and being selected by police dogs for secondary strip search.
  8. That you’re “just absolutely wild” about me and can’t wait to see me again, preferably tomorrow, and the next day, and the day after that. This doesn’t happen to me very often. But when it does it makes me feel like the guy is so desperate that I could be ANYONE. It doesn’t matter. It isn’t me he’s attracted to… it’s having SOMEONE. ANYONE. It makes me feel bad for the guy! Now, granted, there have been a minimal small handful of dates that I’ve gone on in my life that have left me feeling this way. In most cases, those dates have turned into relationships (either long or short). But did I play my enthusiasm down on that first date? Yes. Did the person I was with also play it down? Yes. Playing it down is almost always necessity. You can’t go wrong with playing it down.
  9. Sex. Stay away from this topic. Unless you’re just cruising to get laid (which I’m not and that’s usually evident by my body language and conversation), just save this topic for later. Now… I and many of my girlfriends have been in situations where you meet someone, there’s a strong connection, things get heavy and move naturally to sex on the first or second date. Fine. At least for me those connections don’t come often… at all… and when they do it’s awesome. But if it’s going to go there it’s going to go there naturally. Don’t sit at dinner or at a bar and talk about vibrators or sexual positions. It’s endlessly impolite and depending on how nice you’ve been before striking this chord, forget “next time.” I might just excuse myself this time.
  10. Anything, anything, anything about the costs or brands of cribs, strollers, playpens (true story… happened), or the stress your ex-wife’s miscarriage caused you (I know, hard to believe… also happened… on a first date). I once wanted children very much. I thought I wanted them so badly that it put undue pressure on my relationships. Now I’ve reached a point at which I often feel almost indifferent on the subject (I don’t think this is uncommon for women in their thirties). Sure, I’d love to have a child or two if a fantastic man comes along with whom I could really see raising a happy family. But if not? That’s okay. There are so many other things I can do with my life. In fact, this awesome blog post was surely written by someone who’d come to similar realizations. It isn’t the 60s anymore. So I mean it. Don’t mention this kind of thing early on. As much as this guy might think he’s coming across as a sensitive family-loving guy, mentally-healthy women don’t want to hear about it for at least a while.

Contrary to the tone of the above, I’m actually not at all cynical about dating. I enjoy good company and conversation with new men even when there isn’t a romantic connection, and have made really friends out of several people who I initially dated. And every now and then a nice one comes along… one with whom I end up spending some real time. If you’re like me and you’re looking for someone really special and not just someone, I guess it’s fitting that there would be a lot of good stories to tell about the journey.

{ 5 comments }

Clam

May 11, 2009

in Writing & Blogging

So clearly I need to write. Something. I have several posts brewing but my motivation of late has been for other good things. Stay tuned. ;-)

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